Some people are wary of being assertive. They mistake it for aggression, fear that they will risk confrontation or be accused of being selfish and inconsiderate. But being assertive in an appropriate way often ensures that others respect and appreciate us more. They learn to respect our time and input, start to see the true value of our contributions.
Let’s look at five ways to be more assertive:
– Consider your energy levels, your responsibilities. Decide what you want and are able to do well and commit to doing those things with enthusiasm. Focus on your core commitments and make them your priority. Then you can relish doing a good job, commit with energy and enthusiasm to your important relationships and feel positive about what you’re doing. You’ll feel positive and more in control when you’re really clear about your priorities.
– Learn to say ‘no’ at times when you don’t want or feel able to commit fully to requests. This can apply equally to social or family situations as well as work requests. Taking on more than you can reasonably cope with or being pulled in different directions does no one any favours, least of all yourself. There are times when we all need to compromise, help out or do things we don’t especially want to do, but don’t let that become a habit, especially if you feel you’re always the one who gives in. Be firm that others need to be flexible too.
– Understand that ‘yes’ is not always a positive word. In fact it can become the most negative word in your vocabulary. Always saying ‘yes’ to others can cause stress, resentment, frustration, as well as exhaustion. Agreeing to do things because you feel you’ve no choice, who else will do it if you say ‘no’ is not necessarily in anyone’s best interests. Rather than automatically saying ‘yes’ to everything that’s asked of you why not instead reply ‘I need to check my diary, I’ll get back to you on that.’ Changing your response can allow you an interlude in which to decide on the most appropriate response.
– Be aware of your boundaries and accept that in order for things to improve you need to change your approach. Reflect on how others treat you. Would you treat others the same way, expect them to put up with what you do. Becoming assertive can start by breathing in and calmly considering how you’ve allowed yourself to be treated. Eleanor Roosevelt said ‘we teach others how to treat us’. Perhaps at first you enjoyed doing everything for everyone, felt important, valuable, even indispensable. Or, overtime, you’ve got used to being bullied, coerced, made to feel guilty, and simply accepted the treatment as your lot in life. For things to change it’s important for you to recognise your part in how the present situation came about.
– Include others rather than confront. As a hypnotherapist I’ve worked with managers who were afraid of looking incompetent, not up to the job if they said ‘no’, parents who wanted to do everything for their children, bosses who didn’t want to let go of some of their workload for fear of losing control. Look to address your own issues, why you feel the need to do everything yourself. Then by making tasks more inclusive, part of a team effort you neatly sidestep the need to have a head to head discussion. Telling a manager ‘I’ve already got these tasks to do, what do you want me to do first?’, saying to staff or children ‘I’ll do this whilst you do that’ or ‘let me teach you some new skills’, are all ways to gain more confidence, improve your sense of self-worth and to be more assertive.
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples experiencing relationship difficulties to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.
For more articles, information or to make contact please visit http://www.lifestyletherapy.net
Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Susan_Leigh/399535
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8037339